________let's dance.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

i like the way small little things brighten up your day miraculously.
*beams.

i haven had this feeling in a longgg while. =)
and i realise im a sucker for excitment.

everythings going really well now. im in exceptionally high spirits. fil stopped scolding me, i like zaki and ryan's dance. works quite fine, with nice people and all, bf and i are good. im trying to squeeze time to meet my gfs, and friends. :)
YAYYYYYY

im happy but im sorry its so random!

its exciting to anticipate. rawwrrr..

Labels: happy

dancerina twirled around at 1:38 AM

Monday, June 18, 2007

WOOHOO! i've just booked my air tickets to hanoi, vietnam!!! =)=))
im totally excited about travelling vietnam! people who went there said its nice! and the travel guide also makes vietnam really interesting and fun!
im going in beg august with heng, and coming back right before sch starts. wahaha. exciting huh.

anyways this wk has been not so crazy, but busy indeed.
work dance work dance repeat.
then there was my sister's birthday on the 15th june (fri), then lide's big 2 one the 16th, and daddy's day on the 17th.
HAPPY birhtday JIALI. for turning 17. congrats ure a big girl now, starting to come home late and stuff alrdy huh.. haha. dont say its my influence pls.

on sat we went to hot stones for dinner, to celeb father's day! it was quite nice!! :) the steak was good. then we had dessert and the famous shop in chinatown. cant rmb the name tho, wei xiang yuan or something? slurppss.. the sesame paste was just damn delicious.

on fri i had dinner at a nice japanese restaurant with heng. it was good and cheap.
=)) and after that i met lide at 11.. to celebrate his birthday. brought wine and stuff. :) sat by the swimming pool and chatted. quite nice and windy. lide happy birthday! hope u enjoyed my company. wahaha. yr present will be BELATED. :)

and i realised im putting on a hell lot of wt. and i can alrdy see it when i dance. eekssss. tho im dancing like 4-5 times a wk.. i dont burn the excess fats i gain from what i eat. all that snacks in office, supper, chocolates have finally taken a toll on me. rawrrr.. i need to lose wt before my production. NO SUPPER for jialing. =)

okayyyyy im going back to work! cya later peeps!

Labels: random

dancerina twirled around at 8:29 AM

Thursday, June 14, 2007

im into emo songs. haha.
emo overload!

anyways.. fil's dance started me thinking of alot of stuff.
strength in numbers. agree?
our dance has only 9 people. a 10 minutes dance. its the item with the fewest dancers. and the good/bad thing is that everyone can be seen so clearly on stage. u cant hide yr flaws, i feel exposed. like theres no one to hide behind or to blend in with, everyone can see how good/terrible you are. its quite stressful, yet thats what makes it even more challenging. thru this dance i really see all my flaws, big small, trivial or fundamental. as a dancer i understand my weaknesses better and i know where to work on. its good, cuz i always dance in a big grp for those technical dances, and its easier to hide some of your flaws, as long as the dance is neat, usually the layman cant tell. but in this dance..... cuz we each have individual or pair parts, its really obvious if u suck. and im gonna train hard cuz i dont wan ppl to see my weaknesses on stage. i never knew my ankles were so weak, and my centre is so weak, until this dance. i cant balance when i do turns at times, rawrr.. i know this cant be trained in a matter of days, but i guess i'll have to just do my best and see where it brings me. its good that i see all my flaws now, after all its the only way of improving.
fil's dance humbled me alot. =) yep so its a gd thing.
things are better in his dance, he stopped scolding me for some reason. maybe he went back and reflected and realised he was such a bitch. lmao.

anyways this doesnt only apply to dance, its for everythihng. like indiv presentations vs grp ones. u know abt being more exposed and naked to everyone, subjecting yrself to criticism, yet at the same time, to shine and stand out, often indiv stuff gives more opportunities. so its a go or blow kinda thing. but anyhow i believe in strength in numbers. hurhur.

.

Labels: emo

dancerina twirled around at 11:34 AM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

rah.

im in such a random mood now.
what should i do, or should i even do anything. gosh.

sometimes opposites dont attract, no?
im really confused.

Labels: random

dancerina twirled around at 12:07 PM

Friday, June 08, 2007

im in officeee now. :)

anyway regarding the prevous post, i'm alright already. I GUESS. haha.
i'll just have to thicken my skin, and face him wide eyed. filter his comments, and just do my best.
what lix said was really gd.
treat fil's dance as a challenge, and the other 2 as enjoyment. yepp. :)

this week is crazy i tell u. crazy.
shit i think i say that every wk, is it?
haha...

anyway monday i had fun with jess! and i even gymed at night.
tues i started work.. and had dance, which was when i had the unfortunate night..
in total since tues until thurs i only slept 5 hrs. woohoo.

on tues i ended up sleeping at 3.30 am. cuz i was upset and couldnt sleep.
thanks for everyone cheering me up and talking to me.. robs, sue, lix, shun, heng.. and everyone else. :) really appreaciate.

on wed, i had work again. was rather tired. but not too bad yet. and after work i had ryan's dance! and then at 10 plus met jess and david and friend to drink and club. actually me and jess was toying with the idea of not gg mambo.. haha in the end the temptation was too hard to resist.

we had 1 bottle of johnie walker.. so grosss.. but we drank and played games (jess cheated) haha, not too bad. then we were alrdy high like very fast cuz we didnt have dinner. anyway we ended out drinking session with absthyinth. the 70% alcohol content liquor. omg... uber high. we went to mambo and danced all the way. i think cuz i was rather high, time flew by just like that. in fact i cldnt believe it when it was over!! like 4am was SOOO soon. so sad! i still wanted to dance la. it was SUPER FUN! and its once in a long whileee that i find 4am too early for the party to end. haha. i wasnt even the least bit tired. got home at bt 5 and was still high.
slept for an hour, and had to go for work. imagine my tiredness by then.
at work i survived with 3 cups of coffee and stoned half my time. i kept dozing off while doing work. rahhh. oh we had a nice group lunch at newparkhotel, some chinese restaurant.
once i got off work i rushed home to sleep. slept from 7 - 7. and i din even wake up in between asides from a few calls and sms which i answered and read subconsciously. rah. hahaa.
so today im at office, quite awake. really rejuvenated! :) woohoo.
today we went to amk hub for lunch at newyorknewyork. amk hub is a nice place, its my first time gg there, despite stayin so near. wahahaa.

anyway im gonna go do some stuff..
yepp, CYA people.

Labels: random

dancerina twirled around at 4:16 PM

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

this is a first. seriously.

in my 12 years as a dancer, i have never been treated so nastily and so harshly by any instructor i've worked with. this is really a first. to think im used to being the better dancers among my dancemates. chenlaoshi spoilt me too much, i miss her so much. tho shes strict at times i know she loves me and wants the best for me.
but this time no, he's jus being plain mean. plain fucking nasty and biased. i dont know how much more of this shit can i take. its like every practice he'll pick on me and hurl insults into my face. as tho i have no pride or worth.
imagine someone just takes yr pride and tramples on it, without fail for like 4 or 5 consecutive practises. ask my dancemates and they'l tell u all the mean ass shit he says.
"spoilt girl"
"sore thumb"
"slow!"
i cant even recall what else man.
its like once he's formed biased opinions of a dancer, its almost impossible to change it. whatever i do will never be sufficient in his eyes. getting shit from him for 2 weeks or more, its all accumulated.. and somehow its reached the breaking point.

so im standing at crossroads now.
i have 2 choices. the easy or the hard one.
i could withdraw from the freaking dance and not take his shit anymore. anyway im in another 2 dances which i like more too. and i bet he'll be happier to have a group of more competent dancers.
or i could prove him WRONG. tahan his shit and insults and then emerge a better dancer.
but the qn is, can i stand all that? im really breaking down alrdy. its too much for me to take. once yr confidence is completely crushed, its almost impossible to build it back. not so quickly at least.

i know i have the help and support of my dancemates in this item. but theres a limit to how much i can push myself.. and what i can do. perhaps modern is jus not my cup of tea. hiphop and street jazz is much better. rawwwrrrr!

i really dont know what to do now. i need to deal with myself first. then work like 1214234 times harder ( which i dont know where n how to get the energy and time).. and fucking prove him wrong.

i guess after this dance i'll emerge a stronger and better dancer. :)

Labels: sad

dancerina twirled around at 12:29 AM

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

i've got so much to say all of a sudden.
but i think i need to sleep soon!
first day of work tmr, kinda excited honestly.
but i think i piled too many things tog, too much commitment. always happens. rah. i have dance like 5 times a wk, work like 5 times a wk, tuition like 3 times and wk, and a bf and alot of friends. hahaha. i need more time, period.

geez. okayy enough ranting.. alot of random thoughts these few days.

.

so i've been thinking about ignorance.

ignorance is bliss. isnt it?
sometimes its what we choose to think about, selectively choosing things that we like to think about and putting those not so nice things at the back of our heads, which will then eventually slip away.
is that good? we'll be happier this way, but it doesnt mean that we havent done bad things that we did, havent had bad thoughts we thought about yada yada..
i guess we're all young now, we should be more adventurous, to try out of the world things (within yr morals and principles of course), sometimes things we do may not be 100% right, but then again who's to judge and comment?
perhaps its better to simply let our heart take the lead, and bring us wherever we wanna go. i wanna do crazy things when im young, and look back and laugh abt it. cuz time waits for no man, and i dont wanna regret not trying many things out when im like 40. i would think most people are too bothered by social norms, and social stigmas, to dare to do things that are out of the world. wont life be super boring then? as long as what ure doing does not affect much people arnd u, and ure having fun, i dont see anything wrong.
thoughts can really blur one's vision, and be so affected by the culminating thoughts.. things may not be as bad as they think? isnt it more relaxing to just fuck care and do whatever u wanna do? i dont know.. doing whatever u wanna do, sounds a lil too strong, too much implications, too many impacts. as tho im promoting irresponsible thinking, but im not okay! haha
i just feel that we shldnt be so restricted by social norms, and all that rules and regulations our teachers taught us since young. rules are meant to be broken, no?

.

tell me why do so many people wanna get attached? (okay myself including)
for marriage? companionship? love? convenience? peer pressure?
i really dont know.
i dont mean to be really cynical, 99% relationships at our age dont end up in marriage. its just a question lingering at the back of my mind since ages!
so why? anyone care to enlighten me?
everyone's really different, with different perceptions of love.
take clara jingmin jessica and i.
omg the 4 of us put entirely different definitions on love.
maybe clara and jingmin are more similar in being idealistic, believing in serendipity and all that. both of them are currently very very, i mean VERY in love. haha. jessica is entirely opposite from the 2 of them, like on the other end of this scale. u know all that abt eternity being overrated. while im hovering in the middle more towards jess, personally i dont know if relationships now will last, the future is so unpredictable. but i dont mind giving it a shot. u'll never know yea?
i think its more i like i choose not to think abt it. i never understood how couples can think abt marriage at such a young age. so back to ignorance is bliss. by not thinking abt it, maybe u wont hold so high hopes and if and when the couple actually breaks up, they wont be so crushed u know? like thinking u've found the RIGHT one, and then reality smacks u in the face telling u no he's not the one.

call me a cynic. but i do believe in love.
and i would love to believe in serendipity. how magical.
(i jus caught the show not too long back and i lovedddd it.)

.

haha, sorry i think this post was rather random. u know ocassionally i'll have lotsa such thoughts flooding my head. and i will never be able to sleep unless i type this out. hahaha.

ciao!

Labels: random

dancerina twirled around at 1:02 AM